That Moment



The scene before me was enough to fill me with pure visceral terror.  Just moments ago I had run out of the gate, which was swinging wide open, filled with trepidation.  To be smacked in the face with this scene was like a nightmare.  Alexis stood across the road, standing with complete trust and innocence faced by a complete stranger.

Credit to Belinda Morris from www.belindaillustrates.com and www.facebook.com/belindaillustrates
 
I couldn’t hear the words but the red hot fire within me didn’t seem to care what was said.  I had done a truly marvelous job of raising a polite, friendly and sociable little girl.  What I haven’t been able to do is instill a sense of danger no matter how hard I tried.  I sprang forward the next instant full of aggression and fear only to be stopped at the road or be run over by a car.  Those quick moments feeling like an age her name escaping my lips.  ALEXIS!  She turned at the sound and waved.  The man behind her leaned down to get to her level and she turned back around.  My feet felt like lead.  My heart was pounding painfully in my chest.

The moment the car was past I ran faster than I knew I was capable of toward her.  None of it felt fast enough.  Every instinct screamed danger.  My hands were reaching for her as I ran.  My eyes never left her curly hair.  When I finally reached her it all exploded out of me. 

“What are you doing!?”  I yelled, “You know you’re not allowed out of the yard!  How many times have I said not to talk to strangers!”

I held her tightly to me and lifted my head to look at him.  He took two steps back from the force of my gaze.  The little signs that had been trying to make themselves known started to seep through my fog of fury. 

“I…” he started, “I found her out here trying to get this cat out of the tree.  I was just planning on staying till you got here.”  The words were tumbling out of his mouth and as I took in the sight of my cat in his arms a cold stab of guilt pierced my conscience.  With two strong mental hands I pushed my fury, fear and guilt back down.  I stood with my confused child huddling my legs and faced this stranger with a smile.

“Thankyou.”  I said simply, “If she’d tried to cross the road again I fear to think what could have happened.”

He held out my struggling bad-tempered cat to me and said, “That’s alright.  I’m glad to have helped.”  He tipped his hat and walked away.  I carried the cat in one arm and pulled Alexis back across the road with the other.  We went inside, had another talk about stranger danger and the importance of staying inside the fence.  I made a note to improve the latch on the fence.  I went about my day.

It wasn’t until the quiet of night when Alexis was tucked up safely in her bed that I let the door in my mind open. The emotions took over and I let them claim me. 

How could I have been so stupid with the latch?  What would I have done if he really had taken her?

HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO STUPID!

In the darkness of my room I let the sobs escape and the tears flow down.


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